Attention all of you pathetic broke piglets: I know that you’re here, right now, hour after hour, day after day, reading my blog, jerking that pathetic excuse for a cock while viewing my photos and reading how I abuse those slaves who have paid handsomely for the privilege. I know you sit there and fantasize about serving a true Goddess like me, being blackmailed by me, and serving as my personal ATM. Alas, the only thing that’s even smaller and more pathetic than your pea-cock is your pea-sized wallet! The thought is enough to bring tears into your eyes, I know.
Well, keep crying, bitch! But, as you do that, you can make sure that even your tears now serve a useful purpose: pleasing and satisfying me! How, you ask? Well, if you could take your pathetic fingers off of your pindick for a moment, you can find out. Did you quit jerking? Of course you did, I ordered you to! And now that I have your full attention, I announce to you the newest way that even the most pathetic and the brokest of the broke can provide the ultimate form of service, by materially contributing to MY pleasure and happiness. This is none other than the “Tears in a Bucket” program. How does it work? Simple. All of you pathetic excuses for piggies, those of you who can only scrape together enough lunch money to tribute, say, $20 or so at a time, can pool your tiny offerings together for a greater good.
Through the Tears in a Bucket program, special contests will be held exclusively for the most pathetic of you wannabe financial slaves. All of your contributions will be added together, so that in sum, they equal something greater. This Goddess has expenses, such as the Lasik eye surgery I want to get, and now, even your pathetic pocket change can help go towards that goal!
Of course, that doesn’t give you an excuse to remain broke forever! But what’s mine is mine and what’s yours is mine as well, and * I * want it all—even your measly pocket change! That’s the least you can do for ogling over my photos and my website. Come on, get tributing and contact me to say that you are a pathetic excuse for a slave and you want to contribute to the ultimate greater good, which is my happiness. Instead of crying about being too pathetic to serve me, put those tears, and those nickels and dimes, to a far more beneficial use. I guarantee you I’ll be crying in laughter, all the way to the bank!